Addiction, Depression and Suicide

Since Robin Williams’ death, we have been bombarded wall to wall with the pros and cons of addiction/depression/suicide.

Let me tell you about a guy I knew. I knew him and his problems, so this is first-hand information. His drinking was kept in check when his mother was alive. Even after he married, she kept him, and his father, on a short leash. After she died, he had no rudder to guide his life and alcohol took over. He went into rehab several times, but it was never very long before he was at it again. He died after drinking a quart of vodka a day for 5 days. Was that a version of suicide? Was that a subconscious decision to commit suicide? Maybe it was conscious. We’ll never know.

If you think an addicts suicide is an easy way out, a cowardly act, you apparently do not understand the addictive personality. I hope you never do understand it, because that would mean you, yourself, are an addict.

Was that person depressed? You cannot just stop depression. I have experienced depression, but it was fleeting, scary and to this day I don’t understand the “why” of it. I am able to understand others who are depressed and just can’t “shake it.” These people are not necessarily addicts. I know people struggling with depression right now who are not addicts.

I have an addictive personality. For 50 years I was addicted to nicotine. In addition to smoking it was an addiction to time, place, and situation. I became addicted at age 13. Most kids my age at that time didn’t smoke so I thought I was really cool. Tough. It was a ruse so my classmates wouldn’t know how shy and unsophisticated I was; what low self esteem I had. When I was 63 the addiction damned near killed me.

I thank God every day that my last resort attempt to quit worked. Acupuncture. Every year, on the anniversary of my first appointment with the acupuncturist, I send him an email thanking him for however many years it has been that I’ve been clean. This year, around Thanksgiving, I will send him an email acknowledging 15 years of freedom from the addiction. Freedom? Not exactly. Even though I have no desire to smoke, I know that my addictive personality lurks. I traded in smoking for a healthier lifestyle including exercising, walking and bike riding. So far so good.

So the next time you hear someone has committed suicide, whether or not they were addicted or depressed, please do not judge. Send them, and those they leave behind, love instead.

Back Garden News

If you look back to my post of June 23rd (Gramma the Ditch Digger - Part III) of this year, you will see that I talked about sticking a rose cane into a potato, planting both of them, and I would (should) have a new rose plant. Well……….

Take a look at this photo. The little plant on the right and the bigger one to the left. Do they look like roses to you or potatoes? I’m going spuds!

 

Doesn't look like roses, so it must be potatoes

Now, I need your help identifying this plant.

 

What is the tall plant in the center?

I think it’s a weed, but I left it to grow just to see what it would do. The condo landscaper guys cut down my ornamental peppers, but they were careful not to touch this. Go figure! What is it?

My two hanging basket plants, two varieties of petunia, have died. Don’t know why. They got plenty of water and fertilizer, but they didn’t last. Next year I’m not going to bother with hanging baskets. Everything I do will be in the ground.

Up on the deck (just check out photos I’ve posted before) the begonias, upright fuchsia and vinca are all spectacular.

I’m picking tomatoes now. So far this month I’ve picked about a dozen. One batch weighed in at 28 oz, which I processed and froze. That will either be cream of tomato soup or spaghetti sauce. I have another 2 lbs ready to be processed. All the while I have plenty to slice up with cukes and a dressing made up of sour cream and mayonnaise. Oh, I’m getting hungry!

So, that’s it from the back garden for now.

Update — My Gardens

I have four gardens. Not bad for a condo. There is my front garden, 

deck garden and back gardens (yes, there are two of them in the back).

As you can see, the bee balm, morning glory and moonflower vines, and phlox are over achieving. I don’t remember the white phlox doing so well last year. This year it has practically smothered the pink. That will be remedied next year.

The bleeding heart is twice as big this year as last. And there are two mums that came back from last year. I probably should have trimmed them back, but it’s probably too late now, so I’ll just let them go.

Take a look at my ornamental peppers! You can’t see it in the photo, but some of them are already turning orange. And last but not least the azalea is so much happier in its new spot.

Phlox in back. Morning glory vine w/moon flowers, bee balm front  right, bleeding heart front left

You can see the pink phlox, mums behind bleeding heart, little azalea center left and the ornamental peppers

See the first, tiny morning glory deep in the vines?

This piece of mangled wire fencing was under and behind my morning glory vines. Not mine!

 Out on the deck the tomatoes are finally beginning to ripen. Of course I expect them to ripen all at once! That’s ok. Once I get several tomatoes very ripe I will blanch, skin, cook down and freeze. Then, when I need to make my next batch of spaghetti sauce or cream of tomato soup…I’ll have them.

 The railing boxes are fantastic! Begonia, vinca, and upright fuchsia.

 Now we come to the lower gardens in the back. On the right I have hosta in the back, sedum to one side, more mums that survived last year. All of these seem to be doing very good even the tall weed. I think it’s a weed…I’m just letting it grow to see what it does. The coleus is not doing well at all. I think it’s the soil, which tends to be very heavy. That little evergreen tree is going to be moved next year to give my neighbor and me an extra 12 inches each for plants.

On the other side there’s not much going on. The roses are not doing well this year and the sunflowers I planted didn’t do well. I think it’s the wrong kind of soil for sunflowers. The flowers were beautiful and all of a sudden they were dead. The rest of the plant is fine. Just the flowers died.

Next year everything is going to change in all my gardens…but, I’m keeping that to myself for now. My gardens are speaking to me and I’m listening.